LaughingSeven

In no particular oder, 10 of my favorite things about nature:

1 The flash of lightning followed by the deep rumble and crack of thunder
2 The reflection of a mountain in a glacial lake, then the ability to look 30 or more feet into the lake and see the bottom clear as day.
3 In May, waking up to a cloudless sky in Seattle and seeing Mt. Rainier for the first time in months.
4 The peace and quiet during and after a snowfall
5 Watching a field full of lightning bugs after a long hot day
6 Letting my hands skim the top of the grass as I walk through a field of high grass.
7 The gentle and rhythmic crash of waves on a beach
8 The brilliance and sparkle of a diamond
9 The many colors and shades of life under water.
10 A mountain meadow with Elk or other animals grazing against the backdrop of a snow covered peak.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have notshared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

Given that all goes as planned, here’s a link to some pics of our new home in Franklin, TN.

Molly Ann Mutz
6/13/08 - 6/19/08

May all who hear her name know the beauty that she brought to this world. Let it be known that this princess was of royal blood, who’s time to meet the King arrived far too soon for us. Molly Ann, I miss you already.

Glory!

Friends,

Today is Molly’s 7th birthday. She has graced us and everyone who has met her with 7 beautiful days of living. Yesterday my sister and brother got to bathe her for the first time, got pictures with her, and both had a turn holding little Molly’s naked body on their chests. In the words of my brother Jake, “It was Heavenly!” Tragically, the celebration of Molly’s life will turn to mourning her death today around 5pm in Denver.

I can’t help but to keep shaking my head at the thought of what Jake and Bec have to do today. The decision they made on Monday to not pursue surgery was difficult to say the least, but the decision facing them today is incomprehensible. Today is the day they have decided to let Molly go, to end her suffering by taking her off of life support. They are sending her to Jesus. There are no words, just my shaking head that gets more pronounced the more I feel, the more I think.

My goodbye on Tuesday with Molly was sweet. I wrote a note in her journal and then read it to her….I wept it to her. Shortly after, I played the song “Con Te Partrio” (Time to Say Goodbye in Italian). I didn’t want to say goodbye, I still don’t.

I ask that each of you today be reminded to pray for Rebecca and Jake as they inch closer to the time later today when they will take Molly off of life support. When you look at the clock for when lunch will arrive, or when your next appointment is, or when work/school/etc is over; will you be reminded that the Molly’s time is drawing to a close. Remember Bec and Jake as with each minute, they inch closer to giving the final word to remove life support. Pray for a miracle.

Truly truly, her life has been special. If there was a symbol that gives you a picture of her life, it is the exclamation point! She came, she changed, and now she is going. Molly’s work here on earth is done, and what an amazing work she has done. In 7 days, she has accomplished more than most 77 year olds.

I’ll say it again, I pray that you experience the ripple, nay the waves of change that her life has caused.

Here are specifics that you can pray for today (from Jake and Bec):

Please pray for us today.
1) A miracle for Molly - for her to be completely healed when she comes off life support

2) Peace & guidance for us throughout this day & this process.

3) Christ’s tangible & obvious presence to be known & felt as (assuming no earthly healing) we hand her into Jesus’ arms.

4) For us to be able to grieve without a clock (both today & continually), at our own pace, without the pressure of today, tomorrow, others, or each other.

5) For Molly to continue to be medically stable throughout the day until it is time to take her off life support. We assume we will take her off life support this afternoon around 3-5pm. Please pray that God will show us the right time. We know her body is weak & we had a scare with this last night. We won’t ever be really ready but we just weren’t prepared to have to do that last night. (That is a praise she made it through the night!).

6) So more accurately, pray that Molly will make it to her appointed time & that will have prepared us for that time.

7) Finally, that the last people we have to hear a “2nd” opinion from - The Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City - will do so before noon. I don’t want to give up the fight to soon - despite hearing almost a dozen other “2nd” opinions - I am holding on to this last glimmer of hope.

come quickly Lord Jesus, come quickly.

Our sexuality is not a mere biological function; rather it is the impulse of something far greater and more meaningful than the thrill of an orgasm can satisfy. We emote sexual feelings because we seek impact and connection. We seek to find what it is that we were created for; to get inside of someone and to have someone get inside of us. It is of no surprise that in dealing with these longings our sexual being becomes difficult to ignore. We cannot escape the arousal and excitement when the reality of these longings is highlighted. We hope to seduce and be seduced into experiencing the other in such a way that a mere biological function feels apathetic at best. While there are many biological aspects of our sexuality as humans, there exists too great of an emotional connection to our sexual being that prevents biology from reigning supreme.

In 2002, there was a story posted at USA Today about a beer-selling contest gone wrong at Hooters. Evidently, the waitress who won the event thought she was going to win a Toyota. Instead, she won a toy Yoda character. See the  newspaper clipping below…

10AM Monday the 9th of June. Miserable.

So I’ve got a lot happening in the next 6 weeks. I write this to relieve my anxiety of the unknown represented in the following:

- finish classes. June 24th
- finish papers. July 3rd
- pack house, and move out by July 31
- buy a house in nashville by n/a
- pack moving van/trailer and ship furniture/shit to Nashville. have a place to unload items/shit from truck/van/trailer when it arrives in nashville
- Family vacation with my family in Estes Park Aug 9-16.
- School starts for Peterson in Nashville on Aug 15th.
- find a job
- find time to relax and vacate life after the past 24 months of 100% exhaustion.

I have NO IDEA how to get all of the above accomplished in the next 8 weeks. Ideas?

- A couple sitting outside, very intently engaged. She has a quizzical look on her face often changing between compassion and confusion. She isn’t talking very much, just listening. He is drinking from a travel coffee mug adorned with a rox shox sticker and a carabeener. On his backpack is a bike lock with the brake handles from a mountain bike hanging beneath the lock. At one point, he gently pulls the hair back on her head and whispers something into her ear. She smiles.

- Two women sitting next to me, one with papers and folders. She’s intent on making sure that her counterpart knows that she is being honest and is shooting things straight. She has said at least 5 times in the past 5 minutes “I’m going to be as honest as I can be.” The other lady is shaking her head in agreement, yet is very timid and anxious.

- A guy sitting outside, reading a large book (like a coffee table book), drinking coffee, and stroking his beard. He occasionally looks up to see what is going on around him, but not for long. He just put his yellow rain jacket on, and is getting up to leave. His pace is quick and with a goal in mind.

- A dad with three girls who all appear to be 2-3 years old. Prior to sitting down, the dad pointed very sternly at one of the girls, whom I am assuming is his daughter, and in a raised voice said “I’m going to get a straw, listen to me, I’m going to get a straw.”

Me. Sitting at a table, a cup of water, a half-full americano, an empty cookie plate, a computer, bag, and phone. I’m reading and writing about people outside this cafe when I’d much rather put my things away and sit with each of the people I’ve described here, and listen to their stories. I’d rather fantasize about them, their conversations, their longings and why they are here. What is it that they are looking for