LaughingSeven

So I’ve got a lot happening in the next 6 weeks. I write this to relieve my anxiety of the unknown represented in the following:

- finish classes. June 24th
- finish papers. July 3rd
- pack house, and move out by July 31
- buy a house in nashville by n/a
- pack moving van/trailer and ship furniture/shit to Nashville. have a place to unload items/shit from truck/van/trailer when it arrives in nashville
- Family vacation with my family in Estes Park Aug 9-16.
- School starts for Peterson in Nashville on Aug 15th.
- find a job
- find time to relax and vacate life after the past 24 months of 100% exhaustion.

I have NO IDEA how to get all of the above accomplished in the next 8 weeks. Ideas?

Recent questions I have been thinking about as I move towards entering the field as a therapist. These questions come from a class on the issues of sexuality and therapy.

- How do we allow our clients to impact us, but not dismantle us?
- How is the analytic relationship altered when seduction enters?
- Can the powers of sexuality and seduction exist in an analytic relationship without a moral failure (either on the patient or analyst’s behalf).
- Can I withstand the seduction of the other, and why would I want (or not want) to?
- How does the notion of sex being a biological function change the way an analyst would approach their clients?

I was watching a video online the other day, and had a stoke of genius. How will my kids fare growing up in a digital economy, specifically in the age of digital media? 

During this video, the speaker was showing some pictures of himself as a kid. You’ve seen these kinds of pictures from the 1950’s, and earlier. They’re brown/sepia, torn edges, faded, and are few and far between. If my parents, or this speaker, wanted to go back and look at the memories of the family, they would have a tough time doing this from their childhood. There just aren’t many images or videos that they can go back and look at. Part of me wonders if this is more beneficial than the digital picture craze that we currently live in. 

I’ve spent many moments with my kids in the past few years closing my eyes and trying to imprint the image of their faces, their bodies, their voices onto my ‘memory.’ As I sit here typing, I am finding it difficult to remember those moments, even though one such moment was less than a week ago. Naturally I’m wondering why that is the case, and immediately my thoughts go to iPhoto on my mac. In a simple very easy to manage photo program resides the memories of 7 years captured by digital film. If I forget the face of my daughter when she was 2 years, 4 months old, I’ve got a picture for it. The point is, our lives are documented in so many different ways. 

With the invention of film, we created an ability to capture life and preserve the memories associated with it. I have many fond memories that are spurred on because of some pictures. I get to see the scene, the people, the setting, and the movement from when the picture was taken. Some of these memories have led me to great joy, while others have led me to prfound saddness. I want to forget some things, and nothing short of lighting the pictures on fire will aid in that act of forgetting. 

Where am I going with this post? Some of the pictures I’ve seen have challenged my perceptions about life. I’ve begun to look ‘deeper’ into videos and pictures of my childhood, wonder what was happening beyond the lens, beyond the film, beyond technology. What interests me about this topic is of the next generation. My kids, as mentioned above, will have the ability to examine so much more of their lives due to the sheer volume of information that has been devoted to their lives. We have over 4,000 total pictures in our digital library …. that’s roughly 5 years of pictures. 

My questions about all of this is whether all of this information is aiding in the collection of memories, good and bad, on a computer disk or in the minds of my kids? Will they find it difficult to remember life because if they need to, all of their memories can be accesed with a few clicks of the mouse? And finally, will they know more about the failure and pain that they grew up in due to the sheer volume of pictures and videos? 

Here’s some fancy photos of young-me

I haven’t fully developed my dissertation that will look at Personality disorders (narcissism, bi-polar, borderline, etc) as seen in larger contexts (religion, marriages, race, and others), but here’s a great look into what I’d consider a prime example of a narcissistic religion (or cult, if you will). More thoughts on this later…

“When you’re a Scientologist, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one who can really help… We are the way to happiness. We can bring peace and unite cultures.”

Watch the full video here: http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress

One of my professors, Roy Barsness, constantly gets on us for not reading the news. So this post is in honor of Roy….

Trailer Park in Florida heaven to sex offenders. Nearly half of the residents are registered sex offenders. Article Link

A Middle School (yes, that’s right, grades 1-6) in Maine is going to be offering birth control due to a recent outbreak of pregnancies. These pills will be available to girls at the school as young as 11 years young. Article Link

Four people, 2 kids and 2 adults, were killed in their sleep last night in Detroit. Article Link

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Too often I read headlines and stories like the ones above and say to myself “man, this world is so messed up.” While that is true, it completely alleviates the need for me to feel anything for any of these people. It’s easy to hate the sex offenders because they have done something that is so wrong and such a violation to those they offended. It’s easy to mock at the 11-year olds having sex and getting pregnant…and then to fire bullets at the school system for not doing a darn thing about real issues with these kids. And then it’s easy to see the murder of a family and feel next to nothing because this happens every day, in every state, country, and continent…so why should I feel something for this Detroit family when I can barely remember what it felt like for the family last week that suffered the same fate?

The Fall season is my favorite season of the year. You literally have to be blind to not see the beauty that surrounds us, and my guess is that even the blind can see and taste the beauty: The colors changing, the wind blowing the leaves around, and the air becoming crisper. This is the seasons to feel change, to feel beauty, and to feel pain. Because I know in a few weeks, those leaves are going to be brown, and the trees will be bare, and it’ll be time to bundle up and go inside. So today I enjoy the leaves, the air, the wind, and the smells of fall. And I feel the groans of the earth and of those who inhabit it.

We live in a beautifully glorious place that at the same time is dark, cold, and wet (not just Seattle). I’d rather it be one or the other, because seeing beauty and darkness at the same time is usually too much.

Re: What is this place?

It’s about the process.

If it’s about the person, then why do I, and others, feel so lost and strung along?

Because, it’s about the process.

Last semester A 3rd year counseling student told me, “Trust the process and don’t get discouraged. It works out in the end.” Yeah, and I’ll be able to run in Heaven, too.

The process is great, as long as you don’t forget that there are people involved.

Get involved in a process that is fast moving, and I can guarantee that you’ll be lost.

Stand up and say that you’re being missed or overrun by the process, and you’ll be asked why you fell that way; how are you sitting with that; and tell me more.

I’m sure the process is great if all we’re looking to do is to create drones and robots that ask “x” when “y” happens. Is that all?

The problem is, “x” is a great question and, in spite of the intentions, usually allows for great things to take place. Which leads me to my next beef…. Why do “great things” have to take place for meaning to occur?

Are we so numb to actual life that we must experience the mountain every time we sit down with someone? can we not experience a grain of sand and the impact that it has? Why does the process require of us to glorify Buber and the genuine meeting every time we sit down?

It’s about the process. Look out, you’ll end up in a ditch with a frown on your face and no smile…if you’re not careful.

There is more to be had, here at MHGS, here in my marriage, here with my kids, and more importantly, here with God.

There is more. Do you see it, do you know that you’re not getting it all? There’s more. This is not it.

Search for more. Be more. Ask for more. Invite more. God more.

Why are you doing life, not how are you doing it. Don’t how life, why it. Life is more than what works and what doesn’t, life is about bigger; about more. Not about a bigger house, but about a bigger dream, a bigger me, a bigger you…A bigger GOD.

The sum has to be greater than the parts, or the process will be the more. the process will end up being the end; and we’ll miss people. We’ll miss me and we’ll miss you.

We’ll miss God.

Why do you miss God? Don’t how the question, why it.

Why More?
Why God?

There. Is. More.

I left Franklin, TN almost 6 months ago…and it appears that I was the last one to clean the coffee pot at the office. Or, maybe I was the last one to make coffee at the office…

Harry sent me these pictures from the Dogbark.com Franklin, TN office.

Enjoy….or not.

If I asked you today, “how are you doing?” How would you answer: “good” or “ok” or “not bad”? My guess is that the majority of the people would answer with one of these three answers. The bigger question within this is, are you answering for me or are you answering for you?

When people ask you questions, what or who are you answering for? If someone asks you a personal question, do you know yourself well enough to be able to give an answer that is true to what is going on inside? If no, is it because you are too afraid of what will happen when/if you answer the question with something that is not expected by the person asking the question? Or, is it because you don’t really know what is going on inside?

Inside is scary. There’s not a lot of fun going on inside most of the time. To acknowledge this, would be to acknowledge the chaos that life entails. Sometimes (most of the time for me) that is too much to bear.

I don’t want chaos, and thus I don’t want to admit that there is chaos and internal storms raging on within me. But if I don’t acknowledge what is going on inside me, how is it that I can relate and be with you? How can you be honest with anyone (including God) if you can’t be honest with yourself?

Thoughts anyone (Mit)?